Own Your Day Read online

Page 2


  “That’s certainly part of this. Think beyond your goals for a moment. Let’s say you achieve them. Then what? What does that look like? How do your goals align with your priorities in your life and the vision of what you want your ideal life and career to look like?”

  “My what?”

  “Your personal vision.”

  “C’mon, Keith, you’re not getting all spiritual on me now, are you?” Chris responded jokingly.

  “Actually, I’m referring to designing your Personal Navigation System. What do you think this means?”

  “Like the navigation system in my car?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I use that all the time. I just plug in an address and get turn-by-turn directions to wherever I want to go.”

  “Exactly. Now imagine having that for your life. And just like the navigation system in your car, the first thing you need is a clear destination point.”

  “My goals, right? I have those.”

  “Well, that’s certainly an endpoint, but there is something that needs to be clarified first that precedes your goals. In fact, without it, you may be setting the wrong goals. Let’s call this your personal vision.

  “Yet to truly design your ideal life, take ownership of your day, and achieve your goals with the least amount of risk or error, there are some other components that need to be built out for your Personal Navigation System to become effective.”

  [PART ONE]

  CHAPTER 2

  Develop Your Personal and Professional Vision

  Your Vision

  Can you picture in your mind’s eye what your ideal life will look like five years from now? Can you conjure up a vivid picture of how you want your future to look? Are you living your vision today?

  To achieve more and attain your goals, it’s your responsibility to exercise your super-vision. That is, use the ability to see beyond what is happening today to crystallize the picture of what you want your life and career to look like tomorrow.

  Why is this such a critical component to mastering your day? Well, if you don’t know what you really want and have a clear picture of what that looks like, then how will you know when you get it?

  Finally, think about the personal sacrifices you’re making in pursuit of your goals and dreams. Are you making the right sacrifices for the right dreams?

  A vision is inspiring, compelling, seductive, and exhilarating; something so exciting that it pulls you forward and motivates you to jump out of bed every day with a smile on your face because you know something that most people don’t. You know exactly where you are going, why you are heading there, how you’re going to get there, and when you will arrive at your desired destination. And most important, you have the utmost confidence that you will.

  There’s a universal law I personally live by: “We attract what we want most.”

  What if you were able to bring into your life that which is most important to you with the least amount of effort, without having to continually push for it?

  Sound appealing? The key here is to be able to pull or attract what you want, rather than push for it. While the principles of attraction have been around for decades, the one part I see missing most is the fact that to attract what you really want, you need to make sure you have the space to do it. Consider for a moment that a closet in your home resembles your life. If it’s already jam-packed with other goals, commitments, problems, and things you’re putting up with that are dragging you down, then you have no room to attract the good stuff into your life! Clean out your closet of prior commitments and challenges first, and then you’ll attract what you want more easily because you’ve created the space for it to show up—naturally.

  When people call me who are interested in working with a coach to achieve bigger, more rewarding goals, one of the first things I say to them or ask them is, “Tell me what the next level of success looks like for you” or “If you were to describe your ideal life/career, what would it look like?”

  Interestingly, the responses I typically hear are very similar to what Chris shared with me in the last chapter. That is, I hear what people don’t want in their lives. These kinds of responses are typically based on prior experiences and situations they’ve gone through already that they don’t want to live through again.

  Now, if a person does share what he wants to create in his life, he would typically share very general, vague goals or desires, such as these:

  I want to be more successful.

  I want to make more money.

  I want a better job.

  I want healthier relationships.

  I want a beautiful home.

  I want to get in better physical shape.

  I want to be happy.

  As you can see, even if people think they know what they want, it’s a far cry from being detailed and specific.

  Live with Intention

  If you apply the universal law I just mentioned—“We attract what we want most”—then this is what you can expect:

  If you’re vague about what you want, then you’ll attract a variety of results, experiences, and people into your life. Life will feel random rather than intentional.

  If you’re focusing on what you don’t want, then what you don’t want will manifest in your life. Where you direct your energy and thoughts is exactly what you base decisions and actions on. As you can see, this can become a very dangerous and self-sabotaging formula, indeed.

  It’s not enough to say, “I want to be happier, richer, or healthier.” To achieve what you want most, it’s critical to clarify what success looks like in every area of your life (career, relationships, well-being, finances, attitude, environment, happiness, etc.) and write it down. Be as specific as possible. How much money do you want to have for retirement? By when? What would you do with it? What does your ideal career/business or ideal personal relationship look like? Envision and write down the activities, experiences, or results that are going to genuinely excite and inspire you on a consistent, daily basis!

  We Never Grow Past What We Believe to Be Possible

  Although we may have a great vision for ourselves in the future, we often place a self-imposed limitation on our success by saying things such as “but that’s not being realistic.” We never grow past what we believe to be possible. Expand your peripheral vision by broadening your view of what you think. Find your inner limitation and push through that to create what can be.

  Alexander Calder, an American sculptor who originated the mobile, once said, “A great artist is a great artist because they perceive the world as if it were observed for the very first time.” Let go of your current perceptions that are inhibiting your ability to achieve more, and begin exploring greater possibilities for yourself. This is what allows casual doodlers to become world-renowned artists and basketball novices to become NBA all-stars.

  Take the time to discover what you truly want. What would make this year an incredible year for you? Dream really big! What masterpiece do you want to create?

  Keep in mind that some of the things you list in your vision may already be present in your life. If so, congratulate yourself on already achieving some of the things that will create your ideal life! Include the things you have attained, as well as the things you want and need to work toward. You don’t want to lose sight of what you have already achieved that remain a priority. If developing a close and meaningful relationship with your spouse is a central part of your vision and this is something you feel you have already nurtured, you want to ensure that it still makes it into your documented vision to keep that relationship strong and vibrant.

  Upgrade Your Relationship with Fear

  In my book Coaching Salespeople into Sales Champions, I first introduced this concept. It’s so crucial to creating a powerful vision—which will in turn provide the solid foundation needed to master time management—that I felt compelled to include a mention here as well. Now that your vision is coming into focus, what are you putting in your fuel tank eve
ry day to provide you with the momentum and energy needed to engage in the right activities that will move you closer to your vision?

  Do you focus your energy, efforts, and goals on what you want to achieve, or are you like Chris and most other people and focus more on what you want to avoid instead?

  Although we want to improve our lives and achieve more both personally and professionally, many of our decisions are governed by fear. Sure, we want to prevent unwanted situations from occurring, but the irony is, when we set goals or make decisions hoping to avoid situations we don’t want to experience in life, we often make decisions about future events that are not even real! Other times we allow vivid memories of unpleasant past experiences to grab hold, and we try to make sure we never end up in that kind of situation again. (Examples: “Missed quota once, don’t want that to happen again.” “Got bitten by a dog when I was a kid. Today, I stay away from dogs.”)

  Granted, the feeling of fear is very real; I’m not disputing that. Fear is a feeling or emotion, like happiness, anger, disappointment, peacefulness, excitement, or sadness. These feelings often trigger a physiological reaction, such as perspiration, tightening of muscles, or an elevated heart rate, which reinforces our belief that fear is also physiologically real.

  Two parts that make up the experience of fear. One component is the feeling of fear, and the other is the very thing we actually fear or worry about.

  Unfortunately, most people collapse what they fear and the feeling of fear together without distinguishing between these two parts. As such, we have a tendency to resist fear, perceive it as a threat or weakness, and make it our adversary rather than embracing fear as our greatest teacher.

  Here’s the typical process. You look at past problems, negative experiences, or failures and assume they will happen again. (Example: “The last time I tried that, it was a disaster. So, why put myself in that situation again?”) Consequently, you make decisions with the intention of avoiding what you believe would happen in the worst-case scenario. The real cost here is, you wind up basing your decisions on assumptions (“It will happen again”) rather than facts. You’re also directing your energy toward avoiding something you don’t want to happen instead of focusing your energy and efforts on evaluating your processes and approach so that you can achieve what you really want.

  Chris tapped his finger nervously on his desk, sensing I was about to challenge him even further. “Think about the three points in time: the past, the present, and the future,” I said. “Now, where do your greatest fears live?”

  “I guess what I’m afraid of are all the things that can go wrong,” Chris said.

  “Exactly!” I proclaimed. “What you fear is the negative expectation or assumption of what you don’t want to happen in the future and is never happening in the present. Even if the future is in two minutes, two days, or two months, it’s still the future. The good news is, since that which you fear lives in the future (“I’m not going to make my quota!”), you can defuse the fear and make better decisions by bringing yourself into the present moment. This causes fear to lose its powerful grip on you.

  “If we are pushed to avoid consequences or what we don’t want to happen, conversely we are pulled toward what we do want: pleasure. Because fear is the negative assumption of the outcome, try shifting your focus to the positive outcome or what you do want to create instead of what you’re trying to avoid.

  “The key point here is, your fears are just as real as your dreams! But as long as you give more power to your fears rather than your dreams and goals, your fears will always seem as if they are more of a reality, and in turn, they will get the better of you,” I told Chris. “Think about it for a moment. They are both visions and pictures of a future that you have constructed or visualized in your mind’s eye. Both your fears and dreams are created using the same tool—your imagination!

  “The real danger is, if you’re really clear with what you don’t want and don’t focus on what you do want, then where do you think you’re going to continually direct your thoughts and energy? Your goals and dreams can’t even compete!

  “Identify and empower your dreams and goals, rather than your fears, so that your dreams become the driving force moving you forward. Once you do, you’ll begin making choices based on what you want to create instead of what you want to avoid.”

  Go Do: Uncover Your Vision

  Begin the creative process of designing your vision and the ideal lifestyle you want to create for yourself by writing down the answers to the following questions:

  What do you want to have happen most in your life?

  How would you know that your vision has been realized?

  How many years will it take for your vision to be realized?

  What is your role and responsibility in all of this?

  What materials, information, support, and other resources do you need?

  What is prompting, motivating, or inspiring you to want to work on this vision?

  Who will be affected over the next ten years as you achieve your vision?

  What’s the real benefit/payoff to you for working on this vision?

  How does this vision enhance your life? Your family, friends, and community?

  How many hours in a typical workday would you be working?

  What is your desired income, and what is your minimum required income?

  Who are the people you will be working with?

  What type of clients will you be serving?

  What type of products/services will you be offering?

  What will your day be filled with? What activities will you be responsible for?

  What level of autonomy will you have?

  Where will you work? (geographic location, office, home office, travel, and so on)

  What are the fears or limiting thinking that’s keeping you from moving forward without hesitation? What is going to prevent you from manifesting this in your life?

  Who do you need to be (or become) to achieve, create, or succeed at this? What assumptions do you need to challenge? What part of your attitude and mind-set needs to change for the better?

  What would achieving this vision mean to you personally and professionally?

  [PART ONE]

  CHAPTER 3

  Identify Your Core Values and Priorities

  Who You Are Matters Most

  When I was on vacation with my family recently in Florida, after two days of back-to-back planned activities, we decided to spend most of the following day relaxing at the beach. It was a beautiful day. Nice and warm but not blistering hot. No humidity, either. The waves were big enough to have fun playing in, but not too big to be dangerous. I leaned back in a lounge chair and absorbed my surroundings. Most people seemed to be just like us—on vacation and appearing to enjoy themselves—except for this one guy. He was probably in his late forties and was occupying a lounge chair about twenty feet away under the protection of a large umbrella. Without blinking, his fingers hammered ruthlessly at the submissive keys on his black laptop. Only phone calls of a distinct ringtone were allowed to disrupt his pounding cadence. I tried focusing on the book I was reading but still managed to overhear phrases such as “That’s not in the budget,” “I’ll be back on Monday,” and “I can’t access that file.”

  I’ll never know for sure, but he didn’t seem to be enjoying himself. Perhaps a bona fide emergency erupted at work that absolutely demanded his attention while he made a noble effort to accompany his family to the beach, despite his work demands. Maybe this was going against every core value he had, yet he was still committed to handle a timely issue. Or just maybe his behavior was the norm for him, a manifestation of his values.

  Our values determine our priorities, and for him, maybe his priority was his work. Now, I’m not assigning any judgment to that statement if you are choosing what you really want. What is most important to you? What are your values? What would be the most important personal characteristics you could pull from your vision that yo
u would want to use to describe yourself? Would they be different when you’re at work and at home?

  Sure, you could make two lists—one for business and one for home, but keep one thing in mind. You’re still dealing with the same one person: you! Whether work related or more personal in nature, your values are what describe who you are as a person—the same person who goes to work in the morning, the same person who spends time at home, or maybe you’re the person who’s on his laptop at vacation. Whatever it is you choose, this isn’t your dress rehearsal. You have only one life!

  Values Flow from Who You Are, Not What You Do

  Values are simply who you are when you are fully self-expressed. When you live a life based on your values, you are honoring not only what you treasure most but who you are. Ask yourself, “Who do I need to be to achieve my vision?” This goes beyond what you need to do and focuses on the who part of the equation.

  Go Do: Write Down Your Values

  Take a moment to look at your vision and write down the characteristics, attributes, standards, boundaries, and traits you need to strengthen or adopt to become more of who you were yesterday. What drives you? Who do you need to be to achieve your goals and ideal life?

  Although not an exhaustive list, here are a few values to help give you an idea of what to look for that best reflect who you are when you’re at your best: Ambition, artistry, bravery, compassion, dignity, frugality, happiness, independence, justice, kindness, learning, mindfulness, neatness, order, patience, reason, sacrifice, trust, valor, wealth, youthfulness, zeal, being challenged, impacting others, adventurous, love, loyal, cautious, passionate, creativity, connection, physically fit, focus, vulnerability, authenticity.